Friday, September 6, 2019

Welcome, Warriors! ❤

Hi there! My name is Hanne Arts and a I'm twenty-two year old student, author, YouTuber, and recovery warrior. I started writing when I was about seven, and I began incorporating some of my own mental health struggles into my works from the age of thirteen. I published my debut novel, JUST PERFECT, in December 2014, followed by its sequel, RED RIBBONS, in October 2017.

But that's quite a condensed version of my life, don't you think?

As a child, my life was perfect.  

That is, until it wasn’t anymore.  

In January 2010, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, anorexia. In February 2010, I was hospitalized. Since then, I have been in and out of hospitals, consistently struggling to build my life up whilst sliding back down.

If someone would have told me, even just five years ago, that things would get better, I don’t think I could have suppressed my laughter. It would have been sinister laughter. Why-on-earth-would-you-say-that laughter, like that of an evil character in a children’s film. I did not believe that I would ever make it out; I felt helpless and trapped in the embrace of an illness that once, just briefly, had promised me that everything would be fine. Everything would be okay if only I tossed out that snack, if only I skipped that meal.  

For almost six years of my life, my mind was consumed. I was obsessed. I fell into the eating disorder’s arms, unable to break free. Every morning and every night, I would sneak upstairs to weigh myself. Every mealtime, I would consider how to get away with eating less and less. Every night, I cried myself to sleep. I felt worthless. I wished for a way out.  

I wished to sleep. Forever. When the morning sun awoke me from a restless night, I was disappointed. A new day – the same struggles.

Meanwhile, I saw my parents break down. Whilst I turned into a shadow of my former self, they crumbled. They forced me to eat, threatened me with hospitalization, and showered me with more love than I knew anyone could hold within one’s heart. And I hated them for it.  

After all, it was the one thing keeping me there. It was the only thing keeping me tied to the life I so desperately wanted to step out of.  

They sobbed and I sobbed; they sent me to treatment and I went. Gradually, the weight crept up. Gradually, the bad moods lifted, if even just a little. What was there, I wondered, further down this path? Would the veil that obscured my life finally lift? Was there a light at the end of the tunnel?  

There was no way to know. Not unless I followed the path. And I decided it was worth the risk.   

Let me tell you now, it is worth the risk. It is a winding road, but it is paved; there are poisonous berries and thorn bushes, but no bad wolves or evil gnomes. It sure as hell is a safer route than the alternative, and I really think you should consider it. You won’t know if you don’t try.   

Had I not taken the risk, I would have never known. I would have never experienced the wonders that make up life. I would have never experienced shameless pleasure, unapologetic joy, and that incredible emotion that comes so naturally to children – carefree nonchalance.   

Today, I live abroad, I attend university, and I have a boyfriend. Food is no longer at the forefront of my priorities list. I am ED- thought and behaviour free. I have a successful YouTube channel and two much-praised published books. I work, I travel, I enjoy my life.  

And I know that I will wake up tomorrow morning, excited when the sun awakes me from a restful sleep.

What I Eat for PERFECT DIGESTION and GUT HEALTH (Full Day of Eating)

During refeeding after an eating disorder, is the best way forward a low-FODMAP, gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan diet? Or is there another, better approach to take?  Join me for a FULL DAY OF EATING (anorexia recovery), some gut health rambles and some helpful tips :)

Friday, August 30, 2019

What I Eat for Gut Health | Improving Digestion in Recovery

As you embark on your anorexia/eating disorder refeeding and weight gaining journey, there are doubtlessly questions and fears troubling your mind. For example, you might wonder how fast you will gain weight, and where the weight will accumulate. You might also be wondering when to eat, what to eat, how much to eat...

When your worst nightmare plays itself out and the weight accumulates in your stomach area, you start to experience digestive distress, and the eating disorder is shouting at you... know that this is normal and it will pass.

Friday, August 23, 2019

My MOM Controls What I Eat in a Day (Anorexia Recovery)

Join me on this food challenge for food freedom :). Allowing others to pick your meal, giving up control, and letting go of black and white thinking patterns can be tough, but I promise you it is the best way to make massive leaps in eating disorder recovery. So go a bite anorexia in the butt!

Friday, August 16, 2019

22 Things You Did NOT Know About Me

After some time on YouTube, it may seem like my private life is pretty much exposed. However, you may be surprised to find that you do not everything there is to know... until today!

Friday, August 9, 2019

Do You Need a Meal Plan in Anorexia Recovery?

In the past, during my recovery, I (loosely) followed many a meal plan...

In hospital, I obviously ate what was given, and, after my discharge, my mom made my meals and I ate what was put in front of me. I got stuck in routines, and these prevented me from under-eating. They helped me (re)learn what my body needed to be happy and energized. However, they sometimes also made me feel stuck as I turned them into self-set 'maximum' allowances...

Friday, August 2, 2019

Looking Through MY OLD THERAPY PAPERS + Full Day of Eating

Sometimes, you stumble across something from the past... With a life like mine (frequent moving) and a past like mine (eating disorder and depression struggles), this sometimes leads to interesting discoveries... Join me as I stumble across old therapy papers, notes, and prescriptions and a take you with me for a full day of eating xx

Friday, July 26, 2019

What I Eat in a Day | Triathlon Edition

Triathlon days are pretty tough... both for the athletes and for the supporters I guess. All this running around, getting to stations, trying to squeeze in the occasional meal. It isn't always so straightforward! Hence I decided to take you all with me... on a triathlon day :)