Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Am I Weight Restored?

Last week I talked about whether full recovery from an eating disorder is possible, and I casted you a glance into my recovery journey and where I am at now.  Today, I talk all about weight. Specifically, I talk about weight restoration, the ideal BMI, and how to know if you have reached your set point weight.

The 'ideal' weight is different for everyone, but there are several guidelines. Do make sure to talk about any concerns with medical professionals -- I can only share my personal experiences, but I am by no means qualified to tell anyone else what is the fool-proof way to recovery.

As described by Christina in Red Ribbons,
I'm beginning to measure myself in willpower rather than kilos, in successes rather than doubts. Each day is a step forward, a small step up the ladder instead of the usual step down. Even standing still would feel like failure.
Once you reach this stage, are you weight restored? Is it more about a number or a mindset? How much weight do you need to gain to reach this mindset, and for your body to repair itself?

In search of the ideal weight, intuitive eating and full recovery, however, are many obstacles. Many experience constipation, bloating, and insecurity. What is and isn't allowed and what does and does not feel comfortable, for example in terms of exercise or physical intimacy in relationships? Check out my channel for previous videos on these topics, but do again realise that everyone's situation is different. We are all in the together, but we are all individuals, each with our own struggles and obstacles.

In my recovery, for example, bloating and intimacy were a massive problem. I moreover struggled greatly with wanting to do recovery 'perfectly.' I wanted to eat the right amounts, the right foods, and gain the right weight at the right time. But then, of course, doing everything perfectly became its own obsession. Back when I did not yet fully trust my body's cues and intuition (which is normal after restriction), I felt unsure and didn't believe I would naturally eat 'enough' if I didn't pay additional attention... and so paying additional attention became an obsession in and of itself! However, once I weighed myself less often and didn't measure out foods and THEN realised my weight did not fluctuate massively (you can only acknowledge this with time), the thoughts and obsessions diminished (and ultimately disappeared) automatically and naturally.

This is the case with many things in recovery: they require time. So keep eating, and do not stress about doing everything perfectly. No one is perfect, and no recovery path is perfect. Don't expect it to be. Just keep going, and give it time. Honestly, time does heal.

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