The Biggest Lessons I Learned about SEX in Anorexia Recovery

The biggest lessons I learned about SEX after spending my puberty-years with an eating disorder and in eating disorder recovery. Sex, intimacy and the whole relationship thing did not come naturally for a recovering and subsequently recovered anorexic. Along the journey, here's what I discovered! 

My eating disorder was always about maintaining my child-like body, avoiding the difficulty and the challenges of what growing into an adult's body would entail. It was a way to hide and draw back into myself. A way to shy away from my own sexuality, my own wants/needs and my pleasure.

I maintained my eating disorder because it felt like a 'safe' way to protect myself from this world, whilst also denying myself pleasure of any kind. And I don't quite know how to put this into words, but it boils down to my own feelings of inadequacy. I didn't deserve a treat (chocolate, day trips, fun...sex). I was unworthy of anything.

Naturally, this made it even more difficult to maintain any sense of boundaries. If I was unworthy and other people were worthy, this naturally meant I had to be of service to them and make sure that they were satisfied. Regardless of my own needs, as my own needs were 'trivial.'

Again and again, this made me feel more and more worthless. It made me feel even worse about myself, until I decided to be more upfront. Until I decided to set some boundaries. And not only did this ensure I was no longer walked all over... it also boosted my confidence more than I ever thought possible! It helped me value my body more for all it does for me. Which is a lot.

Because, guess what, you are worthy and your needs/wants/desired do matter! It's your life, your body, your rules. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. And when the negative thoughts pop up, challenge them with positive ones:

• You're unworthy ➡️ you are worthy!
• You're lazy ➡️ you are strong for allowing your body the rest it needs & deserves!
• You've messed up ➡️ you are fighting, and struggling sometimes is simply part of the journey!