My Anorexia RELAPSE Story

I have relapsed. As do about one in three women treated for eating disorders within two years of being discharged from the hospital. Today, I want to tell you my story.



So, there you have it. I relapsed. And I hated myself for it…

Whilst losing weight during my ED, I was “successful”. I was successful in the sense that

A. I wanted to lose weight and

B. I actually did lose weight. 

But when I started gaining weight in my recovery, I lost this sense of achievement. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was never enough. The recovery path was never linear, I would slip up from time to time, the weight gain didn’t progress as planned… and then, on top of it all, I relapsed. This reaffirmed a belief for me: I was a failure 😞 

I was worried about what people would think of me and, worse still, I was worried by the extent of my own self-critical thoughts. I was not kind to myself, to say the least. I did not see my struggles as a way to learn and grow; I saw them as confirmation that things would never improve, and that I would never make it out. And the guilt made me hate myself more, and I ran right back into the arms of the eating disorder.

What I want you to do is learn from my mistakes. Easier said than done! However, if you are struggling (it's bound to happen), at least try to be kind to yourself. Don’t fall into the same trap. Instead, 

• Talk to yourself as you would to a friend. Be forgiving 
• Identify your triggers & stipulate a relapse prevention plan… beforehand 
• Never stop taking care of yourself. 

Even when you feel like you do not deserve it, know that you do. And remember: RELAPSE ≠ FAILURE. Relapse rates are high, almost the norm rather than the exception, and going through it may be tough but never once means that you have failed. Shame and guilt don’t facilitate healing, so get back on track; don’t get stuck in your thoughts. Because you CAN do it… and the only person you still need to convince is yourself.