*Honest* Weight, Life and Mental Health Update

This was long overdue, so today I am finally back to tell you where I have been (in my life / eating disorder journey / mental health), and how I have been and what my plans are going forward. It's not an easy thing to talk about... but is it ever?

Mental health and recovery was never going to be a linear journey. It is bound to have its ups and downs. And I guess this is made all the more difficult by the incomprehension from outsiders!

To the outside, eating disorders may seem like a healthy diet gone wrong. The solution? Just eat a bit more to put it all right. From the inside, however, it is far from this. I remember sitting, slumped over and bawling my eyes out, in an oversized jumper and on a chair I could feel bruising my spine and my sitting bones as I stared at a mushroom and my parents stared at the wall, everywhere but at me, hoping that this would ease the pressure and entice me into eating.  

The truth is, eating disorders aren’t a choice, but a coping mechanism. By telling individuals to ‘just eat’, you aren’t asking them to make a decision between illness and health, but between a coping mechanism that may well have saved their lives… and the unknown. And that is damn difficult, especially when you have no hunger cues and have no idea *how* to ‘just eat’! 

Eating, at first, may make things worse before they get better, with horrible side effects and a great deal of psychological stress. In combination with the mind-blowing diet culture we live in… it’s an incredibly difficult and brave thing to do for yourself. 

For so long, the eating disorder was my safest and easiest option. ‘Just eat’ wasn’t ‘just’ eating. It was damn hard! 

If you are struggling with this, know that you are not alone. Know that it does get worse before it gets better. But also know that you can make it through this time and come out stronger. You can relearn to eat, normally, without needing to compensate for overeating, for taking a rest day, for having a bad body image day...

But once you do... you may still have tough days! And that is okay! Find the coping mechanisms that suit you, and build up a healthy routine. If you need help, acknowledge and accept this. Reach out. You do not need to do it alone. DM for 1:1 coaching details, and to arrange a free 15 minute call.