An Eating Disorder at Christmas: When the "Most Wonderful Time of Year" Feels the Hardest

If you're struggling with an eating disorder at Christmas, you already know something the festive adverts never show: December can be HEAVY. It's not all mince pies and cosy nights in.

While everyone around you seems to be counting down to the big day (starting right about now!), part of you might be counting down for a different reason. 

Waiting for it all to be over.

If that's you, I want you to know two things (before I no doubt go on 20 other tangents within this post): 

1. you are not broken, and 
2. you are not alone

An eating disorder at Christmas

An eating disorder thrives on routine, control, and predictability. And Christmas is none of these things. It's the opposite of these things.

At Christmas, and in the lead-up, nothing goes as planned, social events pop up at a few minutes' notice, and days are often centered around food, with well-meaning relatives adding a good dose of their commentary into the mix too. 

For someone in recovery this creates a perfect storm: 

Disrupted routines.

The routines that usually keep you (more or less) sane disappear for days, weeks, maybe the full month. 

Food. Everywhere.

And not just more of it, but more attention on it: what's being served, who's having seconds, who's 'saving' themselves beforehand and who's having dessert after. 

Comments from loved ones.

About said food, but also about your love life, your weight changes, and all the things you'd rather keep to yourself. 

Loss of your usual supports.

Therapy pauses, groups take breaks, friends travel. And suddenly the season of connection can feel very lonely. Right when you need most need the support, it feels out of reach. 

Grief.

Perhaps the heaviest part: watching others enjoy something that feels out of reach for you, and mourning Christmases the eating disorder has already taken.

It's the eating disorder calling the shots

But none of it means you're failing at recovery, or that things cannot change. It means you're human, facing a really really hard season with a struggle most people around you can't see or ever fully understand.

And here's something I wish someone had told me years ago, when I was the one white-knuckling my way through December: 

The voice telling you Christmas would be easier if you just disappeared... that's the eating disorder talking. The eating disorder calling the shots.

And while that sounds like a given, it never felt like it was. (Not at the time, anyway...)

I always felt like I was the difficult one, the one ruining the plans, the one being a burden for admitting my struggles and sharing my needs.

And with another year of the same, I felt increasingly beyond help.

And, yes: all of that was the eating disorder talking.

That's because it wants you isolated, it wants you small, and it wants you stuck. 

And every year, the people who heal are the ones who refuse to put their lives on hold for another season.  

How to really survive Christmas with an eating disorder

There's no checklist for this unfortunately. But there are things you can do right now to make Christmas feel a little easier come December this year:

1. Widen the day beyond the meal.

Christmas = Christmas dinner... plus hours of films, walks, games, presents, crafts.... When your mind funnels everything toward the one big Christmas meal, remember that there's so much more than this.

2. Plan your anchors ahead of time.

Choose two or three things that ground you. Preferably a person, an activity, and a reminder. Decide in advance when you'll lean on each of these, and go in with a plan.

3. Plan your meals too.

And challenge those fear foods now, ahead of time, so you do get the opportunity to join in (and feel grounded as you do!) come December.

4. Prepare your exit script.

If a comment lands hard or a fear food sends you spiralling, you're allowed to step away. Take a breather, use those grounding tools, and come back when you're able to. You don't owe anyone an explanation, and you don't need to stay put if it's harming your peace.

5. Lean on support. 

If sessions pause, ask about the possibility of check-ins instead. If groups takes a break, agree on one person to stay in touch with in the meantime. Support doesn't have to be formal and perfect and structured to help. So...

6. Let good enough be good enough. 

With support, with plans, with Christmas day itself. The goal isn't perfection; the goal is to be honest, and to get through this season with new lessons to take into the next one. 

7. Speak to yourself like you would a friend. 

If a friend told you she was dreading Christmas because of her eating disorder, you wouldn't call her weak; you'd hold her hand and remind her of how far she's come. You wouldn't see her slips as a sign of failure; you'd help her see the lessons. You deserve that same voice in your own head too.

A different kind of Christmas is possible. But the preparation starts now.

I've watched — in my own life as well as the lives of my clients — what happens when you decide not to put life on hold for yet another year. When you decide to make the plans, to eat the Christmas cookies, and to join in. When you decide to go with the flow and be present for the day(s), even if it's not perfect. Taking those steps now lays the foundations for next year, and for next Christmas, too. 

And you deserve that more than anything.

Support at Christmas

My program, Reset & Recover, combines group support, private coaching, between-session messaging and a near-limitless supply of recovery resources to help you build real, lasting freedom. 

Including in the lead-up to and throughout the hardest season of the year.

The next cohort begins on October 5th (in time to lay those foundations!), and waitlist members get first access to the limited spaces, plus free recovery gifts to support you right away.

Join the free waitlist →

If you take nothing else from this post, take this:

Struggling with an eating disorder at Christmas doesn't say anything about who you are. 

It says you're fighting one of the hardest battles there is, in one of the hardest seasons there is. That's incredibly brave. And there's a lot to fight for.